_` dreams `_

why must you do this to me?

2012-02-03T13:39:00.002+08:00

It's all well as i'm trying to take things slowly & finding back me. You wanted to end it so badly when i was holding on so tightly. You tried to pull me down when you are the one who wanted to put it to a stop. How cruel!

i thought we could still be friends. i thought time will heal & we can still talk & bitch about things. i knew the past wasn't great, we fought but do rmb there are also endless memories. if not to you but i had them. u r amazing your own way & me too. things don't work out the way we want, u gave up, i was still trying. u said ur plans don't work well with me ard, i let go. & now u go one big round to get a friend to pull me down again. what is ur purpose seriously? u avoided & dont even dare to reply. then why start in the first place?

i was silly trying to save my phone to find back all those photos so that i could have them as memories but u? i dont know. but deep down inside, u will always be a part of me.

whn u said to end it peacefully, i agreed so let it stay that way!

Been 10 days..

2012-01-31T11:22:00.000+08:00

i cant deny that i miss u a lot. it still hurts.

10 Jan 2012

2012-01-10T16:04:00.001+08:00

it's not a good day :(

my iphone dived & dead. RIP iphone 3gs. got a family bad news as well.i tink i need a listening ear. 2 more months till i get my new phone. hmm. i wonder if i can survive well w/o. iphone withdrawal sydrome is really bad thou

Awesome ending to 2011 to an even awesom-e-r 2012

2012-01-09T09:26:00.007+08:00

Last Lunch 2011 at The Line :D

sliced beef <3
my virgin try on oysters (with salsa & tobasco), tasted a lot better than sashimi

indian food

wanton mee

salad platter with foie gras

dessert

candies

With the xmas tree on the 6th day of xmas, such a good yummy deal at only $29++ even cheaper than sakura but the food is definately better.. worth it for the price but not the actual price i guess.. no tempuras thou :p

It's all good

2012-01-09T09:23:00.002+08:00

air tickets - checked
accomodation - checked
clothes - checked
boots - checked
itinerary - half done
luggage - to buy

it's gonna be fun, love & joy.. thanks babe
ice cold me.. freezing ;)

Just the first Sunday

2012-01-09T01:30:00.001+08:00

Sometimes it hurts to even think of u. Love u, miss u, thank u & sorry sometimes means so little? Can't I be a little concern? Does my concern hurts u? Peace? I wonder what is it that u wan.

P.s. I love u still

All waiting for tomorrow..

2012-01-06T13:14:00.001+08:00

bonus tomorrow.. all waiting for this day to come.. how awesome.. as for the rest i don't wan to tink about it.. maybe steping out of comfort zone maybe a good thing as well :) taking it slowly..

happy 2012

2012-01-02T22:31:00.002+08:00

a super good start for 2012 with a simple countdown & air ticket to seoul :) made new friends right from the first day & nth much more to ask for :)

2012 i love the way u r & stay the same pls.

learning to trust & being less paranoid, hopeful things will be better :)

Kind of regret.

2011-12-26T18:14:00.000+08:00

I miss my carebear n the smell of it :(

is this all i've been waiting for?

2011-12-25T03:02:00.002+08:00

Xmas without greeting, no present, no hugs! I chose it, I face it. The world revolves ard u & u only. Nothing for me. Eat slp eat slp. No love. Awww..ful.. Nth like what I thou.. U only knew urself, self center. So much so for ur alone time. U do have lots of it soon. I'm so sick of giving in, I'm so sick of watching the movies, it would be better if you can watch it with ur mum. It would be better if there wasn't me.

I seriously don't understand y some parents cant do their part & in the end I have to take the shit. 10% happy 90% not, is this what I look for in my life? I tried so hard on my last bet whn it doesn't seems to be. Stubborn also no point. Silly girl #1

how time flies

2011-12-21T15:59:00.002+08:00

waoh. my blog banner was done last year xmas, meaning it has been 1 freaking year coz 4 days to xmas. time flies a tad too fast. & it's gonna get better.

well well the worst ting that could happen to me has already happened. no heart pain just heart ache on how he reacted towards me. i would say the amount of money hmm cant do much but i swear i really got awesome ppl ard me. so bestie treat me jap food & coffee. i truly knows how she wan to make me feel less aching & i ate so much but still so much left. then starbucks was next it's funmy coz i also gottent he starbucks card also under much influence. haha. nevertheless we spend almost a hundred bucks eating. so u tell me the amount i lost a lot? i doubt so. nx was sissy giving me voucher for manicure. sooo.. wat else can i say, it's not about losing, it's about acknowledging the lost.

i only shared with u 2 yet, u can tell me crap that disappoints me. tts wat that actually hurts. back to the point, when u lose sth u gain sth. i swear i knew it was a scam but i still fall for it coz i wanted to trust. i wanted to be a normal girl that believe in fairytale & yes u prove me wrong again wrecking up the past. tt sucks for sure.

well i'm elated to meet d at paragon during lunch, we walk pass each other glance & stare said hi. catching up & stuff. it's amazing how chatty he still is more matured & so as cute with his smiley eyes. just like those days. haha. it somehow cheered me up & if only i could do the same with j.

it's gonna get better. 2012!

waiting..

2011-12-08T20:55:00.002+08:00

if i stick by waiting, i would haven been where i wanted to be. but chose not to but then again, every single time, i'm left waiting & waiting. i'm tired. a part of me wants to leave & a part of me wants to stay. why ain't u happy? i ain't too. sometimes i wan to feel guilty but u always make tt feeling go away. i hate to be ur option really mayb tt's whn i feel like doing sth for myself. i ask myself why am i so stingy now? whn i tink i could be sharing & giving really. i don't earn alot but the me i knew will do it. coz he once told me, doing charity or kind things doesn't matter even if u donate to a beggar & he use the money to take cab home. coz u know u hv already done ur part. yes i didn't agree to it at first & i knew why i fell for him. thou things can nv return to the past anymore. u do always be that special one like now he will always deem her as the special one & not me. heartaches, problems tt couldn't be solved. i can't seems to feel the love anymore.

god bless.

Been so long..

2011-12-04T10:13:00.001+08:00

Since I last had a weekend of u all by myself. It's either we r busy with weddings, fetching ppl ard or what nots. Your life revolves ard everyone cept me, n mine ard urs. Feeling happy silly over littles things, trying to be optimistic abt us whn u decide not to give in.

Natural death! Haha.. Wun be tt long, will it?

多希望有个家

2011-12-01T23:14:00.001+08:00

我不快乐，我希望我也能像别人一样有个属于自己的家。不管房子大小，不管在哪里，只要是我的就好了！

我知道如果你在的话，你一定安抚我的心跟我说就快了！你会让我难过的时候陪我带我到你家让我躲！可惜不是我。我还没上岸，还是摇摇晃晃。没有计划没有未来，爱就这样吗？我希望我的周末不孤单，我要人陪。我知道你不想，可是我很难熬过难过的礼拜。我哭了，我不想和你说话，你不能决绝我的问题。

我只想要有个家，有错吗？

irony

2011-11-30T15:56:00.002+08:00

the one who put in lesser in love usually is the one holding more power!

of the one that loves you & the one you love.

i hate it when you make me feel this way. why am i always compromising & feeling shortchanged? things goes ur way coz i put in hell lots of effort but seriously am i happy. i can't deny that sometimes i really feel glad but then again not even the minimum was agreed. think i'm changing. i'm sick of gg ur way. the best thing is you never realise & u think it's fine. i'm so tired to talk to you when you decides not to listen. i guess it will never work out if you keep it this way :'(

emo wednesday :(

I don't like sundays!

2011-11-28T10:49:00.002+08:00

straight forward enough i think cause i chose it & now i'm facing it.. maybe i should just look forward to the happy things instead.. irony of life when u r surrounded by so many yet u keep insisting on that one.. stupid enough, i guess my time is running short..

爱一个人好难

2011-11-24T09:01:00.001+08:00

I thought we could talk things out, accommodate & compromise. U said u gave in then I didn't? U didn't see i've been changing as well? Do I really have to act like nothing has happened?

Ignorance is bliss !

End of 2011

2011-11-23T11:45:00.002+08:00

The year of tiger isn't the best for ox.

Yikes!! to say that whatever happen to me now is all my own doings.. FML if you wan.. I chose this job, when i got nth to do, i request for work & now tt the project becomes mine.. crazy things happen.. btbj tio kan by ppl.. dl max but still have to act ignorance.. ewww..

u sucks! princesses throwing tantrums & shit.. grilling me repeatedly.. come on u baby.. yes i know u more or less grounded for good but god bless you.. i'm waiting for the bonus, ain't i? i wanna fly! off to peace..

sometimes being retarded can bring you far really.. i'm trying to settle everything within my own means so i don't have to beg for good really.. ppl sux work don't i conclude! you ain't any better..

不适合就不要勉强！

2011-11-14T00:43:00.001+08:00

感觉快乐就忙东忙西，感觉累了就放空自己！ why does it feel that we can't gel? Why does it feels like long distance relationship? Why am I always alone & I feel single all over again? Is this my choice?

有时很恩爱有时却争吵不止！ I don't know what I want anymore. 想得累了！

When the little things dampen my mood :(

2011-11-10T23:28:00.001+08:00

The payment for the last sale got bounced because they didn't sign it, I can't get the money. The parcel didn't arrived although it was mailed last week. Dad got to make it worst by nagging thou I didn't opt for registered post. The water heater isn't working fast enough, cold water for shower. All this adds up to major sadness.

Sometimes I wish I could have a place to shower properly with the right shampoo n foam, right temp water. Ok I sound pathetic but it's just nt right bf hse has got everything except the right shampoo n my hse the heater just heats up too slowly. Ok fine.

Then again, y so suay? I waited for 6 weeks to BO for my watch then it came broken. Sent it back n added order but didn't come. If the mail is lost I'm losing more than 50 bucks.

Y the cheque didn't go thru? I wan my money since I already paid the amt first if I don't get the cheque, I'll b losing money again :(

Please let tml be better.

知足常乐！

2011-11-01T17:08:00.002+08:00

It's wierd how sometimes i smile at the sight of those silly photos. Isn't it what i just wanted than again break out into fight & the next day pretend that nothing happen. How normal is this?

I'm someone who like to find the root & get things done but now i'm burying it halfway. Happy checked yes, upset checked yes, disappointment checked yes. It's just wierd sometimes i wish i can get out of these but i just can't bear to . hmm.. just too extreme & wierd..

November

2011-11-01T10:00:00.001+08:00

A new start :)

All the best to me, it will be better. +ve energy aura. Heh heh :p

I made the choice, so I'm suffering the after effects !

2011-10-31T23:50:00.001+08:00

I'm not happy but I'm still persistent! Why? I'm tired, I hate to be like this. There might be something better!

Bye October!

2011-10-31T23:16:00.001+08:00

Last day of the month, last day at TOP.. Been more than a year somehow, I lost all the motivation.. Well it marks an end & perhaps a new start, no more links now!

I kinda of miss everything a little esp I'm doing all the packing alone.. No more nth now :)

Can I be the change I wan? Maybe yes I just need to step out of my circle. 我没有勇气离开，可是却不想留下！你的忽冷忽热然我还烦。What shld I do?

Live life the way I wan it!

2011-10-26T11:50:00.001+08:00

If given a choice, I wan it the way I like! But why do I feel that it isn't wat I wan again? Why does it seems that I'm the only one compromising?

I still have a choice now !?! :(

想家

2011-10-16T18:12:00.001+08:00

Waiting for the plane. 4 more hours n i'll be home. Happy or not? I dunno :p

Getaway

2011-10-16T13:15:00.003+08:00

HK getaway started & ended the same way, no talks just fights. Oh but on a brighter note, it was okay throughout the trip perhaps we didnt had much time together going on seperate ways, making time a little more precious for us. Ended up with me getting scolded in public, i think i have found serenity within. I tolerated it & picked up myself to cheer up. Silly isn't it. Oh well, in the working society, we have to act friendly with our colleagues seriously, i'm not the boss. I need to have a friendly relationship with friends & i'm typing away here & not buy my lao po bing. Sometimes i don't understand why you are so impatient with me. I alreay give in letting you scold me names & stuff like that. I'm made of flesh blood too. while i'm giving you keep pushing.

If things happen for a reason then you will know why in the end.

Maybe it's just not the end yet!

Ciaoz

Why does it all translate to my problem!

2011-10-11T18:12:00.001+08:00

Because someone screwed ur morning I gotta face all the impact. I'm not happy, I can't say. Coz u gotta finish ur work by today, I understand. You gotta help ur friend transport battery, i understand. But do u rmb telling me u will pick me up. Wanted buy u food to cheer u up but it seems that I needed to cheer myself more. :(

Y is this happening more n more frequently? It used to be 6 on the dot n now ???

24 hours later..

2011-10-11T11:00:00.002+08:00

i'll be in hk :D

i can't bear to let you go i dunno why, they said there must be a reason why i was holding on so tightly but i can't explain.. i'm really happy this morning but then a drastic change in mood.. screw fb, why always show me things i don't wan to see, damn i nv click already.. feel so upset to be reminded of stuff, so why are you always doing things for others automatically & so unwillingly for me after i chase you for it.. thou the result is the same - things done but the feeling is totally different.. hate to bark you for things, not my style :( u forgotten my video that you promised..

everything looks fine on the surface so maybe that's why ppl are all superficial nowadays..

is this how love feels like? don't mend my heart & break it again :P

快樂不快樂

2011-10-10T17:14:00.000+08:00

咖啡淡了　是因為冰塊溶了
沒怎麼了　淡了就是淡了
擱在桌上還要不要
不再愛了　是因為感情壞了
你怎麼了　壞了就是壞了
沒有什麼大不了

我們不快樂　快樂後不再快樂
就在最後的一秒　抱了　吻了　哭了
快樂不快樂　沒什麼快不快樂
就在最後的一秒　我們的關係　就這樣了

天亮醒了　是因為心情好了
沒怎麼了　我會愛上另外的人
愛情　大概都這樣了

Couldn't hold my tears

2011-10-08T02:21:00.001+08:00

Love takes two but then why do I feel like I'm single. Everything seems so bad at times. I should really get used to just me that's probably be soon. Im starting to accept the fact that there are things I can't change, having the courage to change the things I can but still denying that I know the difference. Hate that really.

It's amazing how friends encourage me, asking me about my future, the planned one. Studies, marriage & all but none is promising at this moment. Like I said at the age of 26, getting expired soon in a not so stable relationship. How will it be possible to get married then? Stop asking me alright.

Of coz like every girl, yes I dream but they are just dreams at least to me. Putting a stop to dreams & facing the working world is no easy feat.

I'm tired really tired, I shld just find myself a dock & anchor myself there. True love I guess I gotta give it a miss. Ppl change me included.

Free time

2011-10-06T15:59:00.001+08:00

Loitering ard paragon during fogging!

So bored, don't feel like snacking, no Tori Q-ing.. Thinking thinking, I'm thinking.. As much as there's a price tag on everyone, I guess there's an expiry date soon.. Someone just reminded me tt mine's gonna up soon, so how? :O

of the 7 6th..

2011-10-06T00:38:00.003+08:00

i dunno how i just messed up everything.. everything could have been better if i didn't look forward to it.. is it even wrong to think about it?

life goes on..

love you like a love song baby.. till then!

The day where everything screwed up!

2011-10-05T22:39:00.006+08:00

one bad news after another :(

FML.. haiz october seems worst now!

parents are always at home now & giving me problems, internet connection also got problems.. haiz.. ppl buay zi dong take so much leave, throw work to me.. haiz.. wan to celebrate also got restriction.. haiz.. don't feel appreciated my stuff really so lousy meh.. haiz.. exchange rates keep dropping.. haizz

when it doesn't get better & get alot worst :(

who can i rely on, not them, not you..

hate ppl who can do their duty as a mother, father, daughter or son, why can't ppl just do what they can to accomodate to other & i'm always the one affected.. angry i can't be, sad i won't be.. simple life y so hard? i chose this path :/

No point reserving a space in your heart for someone who doesn't make an effort to stay. Life is about choices whether you want a not, don't understand why really. I could make you the most impt in my life & i can do the opposite. as planned ba, changes in nov!

Arghzz..

2011-09-30T09:16:00.001+08:00

i shld hv called earlier.. now i gotta wait another 3 weeks..

roar roar!!

Count down

2011-09-29T17:22:00.001+08:00

1 hr to knock off
1 day to payday
1 week to the 7th
2 weeks to HK

I need to super save money & not spend on anything! Hate insurance still :(
Gotta some fox vouchers from the co event & tt the only thing I cn spend now. So many wants but just gotta resist. Jia you ;)

Really hate sept, so glad it's gonna be over soon!

It's not difficult but it isn't easy too!

2011-09-28T14:06:00.001+08:00

I so wanna travel.. Maybe I can do it alone ? Hmm.. I don't wanna wait cause it seems like forever.. I need to look forward to sth.. Hee hee

Sick

2011-09-26T16:47:00.002+08:00

i feel so sick now. 1 more hr to knock off.

i used up 1 box of tissue already! please let me get well soon!

Alright, maybe..

2011-09-22T10:55:00.001+08:00

It's still all good despite all the rants. I just need to accept the fact tt tts the best u can give.

Happy :)

Coz life is short, really need to slow down or move on..

Rethinking...

Sometimes I'm just sour!

2011-09-22T10:45:00.001+08:00

I'm actually amazed by myself of getting so bothered by things NOT within my control. I nv realized tt it wasn't within my control until someone enlightened me.

But sad to say, we are worlds apart, time is the essence & it seems to hard to fix into one another schedule. No one is to be blamed when assuming we both tried.

I'm afraid, I hate to be lonely & I know I'll do anything to keep myself company which is really dangerous. It's no gd but I'm not sure u know what I wanted right from the start.

We are like a time bomb, I've no idea, whn i do step on u & u explode. I hate this feeling. Rubber time, no plan? Then I do make the effort to plan & do sth with u but I get rejections most of the time. I told u I hate rejections super hate but again & again I've put my head on the chopping board to be slaughtered. How silly?

I'm contradicting myself I'm not sure if I'm looking forward to the trip with u. I'm all messed up inside & there's no one left to tell me everything is fine.

I hate sundays now. Really hate it, sometimes I wish u would realize u r not alone but truly too used to ur kind of life. I can't change u so I gotta change myself, but if there's, pardon me.

Looking far far beyond now.

There's a time for everything..

2011-09-20T16:56:00.000+08:00

Is it time to give up?

Aching all over

2011-09-20T13:44:00.003+08:00

i can't decide which of the events made me really tired this week.. it has gotta be a crazy partying or the one & half hours looking after my baby niece.. i'm aching all over.. it has been a really long time since i really like partied & i swear it's gonna be very addictive.. really wanna quit as it isn't a good thing wasting money on alcohol, ok i don't wanna repeat the history thou it can be really fun, knowing new people & stuff but i prefer to hide in my shell.. but partying is the only way to spend my sunday i guess, hangover or tireness.. lol.. it's scary that i dont have the ability to stay home & rot.. i'm so used to be busy thru out the week.. used to be school then shop.. but now just me alone.. oh well..

had a long talk with bestie, lying in her living room made me feel so home, chatting away with auntymummy.. haha.. so many amazing memories that we shared thou bestie forget.. i envy those that could speak freely to your parents.. tsk tsk that's why i always feel so warm when u ask me how's my day, in my life, none was concerned & u? hmm.. i don't know!?! then again, spending your life with someone you love or someone who love you? i know u are concerned but pls don't have any expectation in me pls, i cant give u anything.. sometimes i feel extremely guilty but then again, i just need to make myself happy really.. life is short & so pardon me for being like tt.. i can just hope & pray things will be well for at least now till my trip.. after that i'll consider your suggestion & see if i'll be happier than.. i am happy & should be happy.. the trip has been extended as per my plan.. at least a day of fun & joy? i'll try my best to at least leave some happy memories for you.. thou it can't compensate for the past but hmm that's the best i can do ba..

& so the crazy shuffling over the weekend.. been a while since i doll up & head out, it sure feels a little more confident like tt.. 5 steps out the hse & was offered a ride.. hmm they sure made my day :) super random!

Alone

2011-09-18T14:21:00.002+08:00

一个人可以不孤单,快乐也要过,难过还是要过!

命好不好? 算算就可以吗?

Snail..

2011-09-16T11:00:00.002+08:00

Reading back reminds me of those crazy days.. such a huge change, it's really crazy but still having the tenancy to get myself really drunk to forget those scary flashback.. but i know they are part thereof me..

happiness don't belong to me, no matter how hard i try.. things screwed every single time.. this is fate? i choose not to believe.. sometimes i wish you could make them better for me..

我要快乐！

Sometimes I don't know what I'm doing, so wanna go ku de ta but I'm so broke now :( Mayb I shldnt club n go crazy again coz its really unhealthy.. I just want a simple life, I think so!

What the hell!

2011-09-15T16:45:00.002+08:00

Nothing goes my way, nothing!

I have no idea what i'm doing anymore, it's just not worth it.. when nothing gets better, this week is crap.. summon instead of lantern on mid-autumn, disappointment instead of looking forward to the trip..

I'm a green eye monster now.. i always have to be the last in ur consideration, it sucks cause i'm so so jealous.. last in line :(

I want to make it better, i try to work it out.. Rejected !

叶子的离去，不是风的追求，而是风的不挽留！

keep it burning

2011-09-12T10:42:00.002+08:00

中秋节快乐！

一年前的记忆，现在变得更清楚了。我有点怀念。
昨天的记忆，还是模模糊糊。我有点安慰。
明天的期盼，希望是美好！我好期待!

Been a long while

2011-09-11T19:14:00.001+08:00

Since I last felt this way, so attached to the bed.. Trying to piece up the fragments of memories.. It wasn't a good one to be embarrassing oneself.. I don't know man, I guess it's all bad :(

Mayb it isn't a gd idea to be partying tgt, or even my bad if I didn't, he wouldn't. I regret really. I wan my mid-autumn celebration. I wan just to be carrying the lantern, walking ard or burning them. Such simple pleasure makes me happy.

There's too much of 'I don't know' about ur world, still I'm holding on hoping we r fine. Trying so hard not to intrude ur personal space but sometimes, things screw up n yup.. That's it!

Half a year wasn't easy, but for now I could just make the best out of the worst. Couldn't care much for the future. If u said happiness makes everything fall in place I hope it certainly does. I do need to disappear for a while for the tide to be over.

Sometimes I wonder why don't I take the easy way out? Why do I make someone suffer in misery? But I reckon, the one tt can make u happy is the same as the one to break ur heart coz they are the ones tt affect u the most! NO!?!

p.s. I love you!

Okay i got what i wanted..

2011-09-09T09:44:00.003+08:00

i shld be happy right now really.. acceded to my request liao but.. hmm.. seeing you like tt don't make me feel good, seems like i have screwed your day again.. maybe i'm asking for too much.. or perhaps i'm jealous over things i shouldn't.. it's a cancer thingy.. it's such a bitch really!

travelling is almost impossible, probably no room for discussion.. sometimes i so wanted to go with you but i guess you wouldn't wan to spend the money :( everyone i know tt can be my travelling kaki except.. can i go please.. deciding between a trip and ..

okay i regretted not buying it last yr whn i was at HK so now i got a month to decide if i should get it less than 800sgd.. hopefully hkd will drop more.. hiak hiak.. it's the blissful ring.. ohh well..

i must be crazy these day, from a freethinker to someone who believes in everything.. i need some faith.. in search of <3 <3 <3..

hmm..

2011-09-07T08:48:00.000+08:00

i'm so tired!

what shld i do? haizzz..

so no more nth for now on..

Y u don't understand?

2011-09-06T23:15:00.001+08:00

I love you! Y so hard?

Lol I write like a 13 year old.. Wahahaha

Low lower lowest expectations..

2011-09-06T15:06:00.003+08:00

ok.. feel much better talking to her :)

thanks for always being there.. hmm.. no expectation now just hope everything will turn out well tonight.. i'm tired of the unnecessary really..

abit too much wedding invitations this year end.. avoid avoiding, i am feeling really uncomfortable to attend.. i dun wan, dun force me pls! angbao can give but i refuse to be there :(

(365 / 2) days

2011-09-06T00:36:00.001+08:00

It's this long n u forget!

I spend way too much effort! I'm tired so tired! Mayb I really need a break, so that I can be me. You r just too practical n why does it seems like we r just using each other? Where is the love?

I dun even know y am I sobbing alone now! I'm frustrated, angry n disappointed. Why am I waiting & not sleeping? Why am I so stupid?

Maybe it's just wrong to fall in love!

Weet~

2011-09-05T11:10:00.004+08:00

Good headstart for the week!

I'm like finally early today :)

Feeling lousy

2011-08-31T11:13:00.001+08:00

It's not that I wan to keep changing job! If I could, I also wan to stay with a company for long rot & die there. But there's zero thing to achieve there!

You think I like to go interview meh? You think I like to be criticize & let people have a lousy impression of me.. Last 2 not gg anymore :(

Super demoralizing, just wanna get it done n over with. If u think it's not suitable, don't waste my time n ur time la!

L.O.V.E.

2011-08-29T00:56:00.003+08:00

Just a four letter word, why so hard..

It can be sweet & beautiful one moment, cold & heartless in another.. I've been through so much up & downs these few months & hopefully everything will just be smooth.. but when i start looking at my surroundings, i wonder is it's a good thing to get married.. seriously, yes there are happy cases & not so fortunate ones.. It really made me think if i should ever, my sisters are already happily married at my age & i seems to be lagging behind.. sometimes i wonder if it's a good thing? love changes..

Good things got to wait, seriously, i'm always never patient enough to wait but am i waiting now? sometimes i dunno, sometimes i just let it be.. i'm afraid.. no doubt but no one can assure me so wat am i waiting for? nobody dares to give a commitment & i'm acutally risking it.. hmm i dunno.. is tt call l.o.v.e.?

What ever it is?

I had a wonderful weekend :)

dinner

supper

lunch

supper

Hope to have breakfast again soon.. please will u?

TGIF ;)

2011-08-26T11:26:00.006+08:00

great start for a friday!

as usual i'm here looking forward to the weekends.. doing nth but just talking gibberish rubbish to that special someone.. haha.. but sometimes it feels like a communication breakdown.. nv to the right topics..

sometimes when the devil in me kicks in, feeling all emo.. i can't consider myself very fortunate as compared to previous and it's taunting.. sigh.. i can't turn back time, i'm doing my best already..

mayb i shld detach myself but it will be such a pity i dunno :( i could just cross my finger to keep it going..

haizz.. i dunno what to do.. maybe i shld just do sth everyone wants me to but not what i like x.x

:(

2011-08-23T16:33:00.004+08:00

i hate me!
i hate the change in me!
i srsly dunno what's wrong!
fml.. i really need to be strong :/

last week was good because..

2011-08-23T12:31:00.002+08:00

this week is really just a normal week.. there's no holiday this week & it's gonna be a 5 days work week.. slept so much this week but the feeling just wouldn't go away.. did i just made the wrong choice again? i don't want to be secondary.. if ignorance is bliss, i should just stay this way..

wohaoxiangni :'(

TGIF

2011-08-19T10:41:00.002+08:00

weekends are here again :)

i thought i never felt this way but why? slow down slow down relax relax.. cross fingers.. just hope & pray.. everything will be fine..maybeitsagenotme..

life

2011-08-15T15:48:00.001+08:00

don't you just wish that all things will just automatically fall in place? but life is just funny, it just goes the opposite.. hmm.. just wishing for sth simple.. pls don't screw up please.. argghhhzzz

Too free @ work

2011-08-12T10:02:00.002+08:00

bus to work today, i wonder is badminton last night or all the squeezing? feeling super dizzy now.. ***##@#@@#**

exactly 2 more months & HK here i come.. i know HK again but i guess it's the company.. :p curry fish ball, cold noodles.. yum! hope air bnb is as good :)

Happy memories makes me happy

2011-08-10T15:16:00.001+08:00

I need to constantly remind myself I'm fortunate to be here, to be who I am. Stop procrastinating for I am able to live the day.

Fav pict for now :)

Pain pain!

2011-08-10T15:02:00.002+08:00

Sprain my wrist while packing.. pain sia.. super manual labour.. tired! Reminds me of helping u with the boxes heng well trained sia.. haha.. work makes time pass faster really :) 3 more hrs to knock off.. life is just like tt i wan sth more..

I can do it!

2011-08-10T10:27:00.001+08:00

so much positive energy, i seriously can't let them down.

i can do it!

de-tached

2011-08-09T21:23:00.001+08:00

Did u love me a little lesser?

Or it is one of those days that I'm feeling emo or has the love faded? I wish u would just tell me everything is fine!

We seems fine but was it u who spoilt me & let me meet u every single day to now telling me u need space. I just wan to be ard u go feel ur presence & u felt the stress. I really can't do much.

I used to be over the moon to have breakfast occasionally with u before work but now none. U r too tired, too exhausted for me. No more fetching to work, no more nonsense drawing, no more before bed talks. Just nothing left.

Miss those days that u stretch my hands to tell me u love me this much, miss those days tt u cuddle me to slp.

Hmm.. Just emo now.. Sob sob!!

Pardon this cancerian :'(

Phuket

2011-08-07T21:55:00.000+08:00

Phuket with Yan!

It's so gd to be assured at all times even though the place is unfamiliar u still feel really safe :)

Missing the beach & the huge waves :)

I wish I was stronger :'(

2011-08-07T18:27:00.002+08:00

I used to be really tough but as I grew older, the society made me so vulnerably n weak. No one is there for u to trust at work. Family gets their own family. I wonder how ppl actually spend their weekends alone. To a point of time I'm so scare of being left alone. Definitely not the most popular amongst the friends, I just hate to have a min alone, I wish someone will be there for me. Do you think it's even possible? Most ppl need their alone time but for me, I rather not. Sometimes so tired of keeping myself occupied. Sometimes I just need someone to be by my side. The presence is enough to make me warm & fuzzy. Like now.

Hearing snores makes me happier than just silence.

The fifth for the two

2011-08-06T17:33:00.000+08:00

In a blink of eyes, it's the fifth month already.. Sometimes I wonder how we made it, or how I made it.. I guess when there's a will there's a way!

Been thru fights & arguments, but how do we judge if he's the right one? I have no idea, some hurting stuff said, damaged done, they stay we could only make it better to cover up the hurt..

Then again, its's how funny we can actually transform those unpleasant things into jokes.. Secretly liking them? Blessed or not, not in the eyes of others but perhaps yourself.. Friends always advice give n take!!!

Of course, there are good times & bad.. Well, I considered myself lucky?!? Getting the privilege of being driven around sometimes? But of the slping beast? I don't know :/

Sometimes I sleep a little later to speak to you but would you sleep alittle lesser to be with me? I seriously don't like the schedule tt ur ex has given u but can I change it? I don't know..

Gladful tt u actually woke up today to have my dosage of breakfast :) But actually now to wait for u to wake! Life nv fair I guess, just gotta wait.. No point arguing again pretty sick of it.. When we wanna make it work, it will.. Coz she said nv do sth tt u nv meant to coz if u nv meant to u wun do it :p

Edited - weet.. awake already..

Awkward August

2011-08-03T14:42:00.002+08:00

Back from the super relaxed trip, eat, slp, walk, eat, slp, walk.. love the beach & those irritating waves :)

Return to office with some sarcastic smses that made me boil, voice out & a decision made.. but am i truly happy at the new site like the others think? hmm.. nope, shift the office alone sucks big time.. belongings, CPU & stuff.. hmm felt like i was sacked or sth.. boo..

need a hug :(

Ending my july the way i want it

2011-07-27T11:39:00.002+08:00

Off to phuket in 2 days.. half day on fri and when i'm back from phuket, it will be aug alrdy.. gotta the increment letter, kinda of happy but still i hope of getting a better job.. i'm so certain that if i'm gg to change, it's nt gg to be PFM coz i'm v sure tt my current PFM job is already one of the best.. most relaxed i can say since PFM doesn't really value add me..

It's really not easy to find a desired job, i haven sent my resume thou but my resume it a tad too messy i tink.. hmm.. bless me pls..

Just tired :/

2011-07-20T13:30:00.003+08:00

9 more days to my phuket trip :)

looking forward to our second trip together, i would say this is considered very impromtu.. so sweet of her to be there whenever i need her ;) supposed to go on my bdae but i guess end of the month is more worthwhile anw looking forward to the new month.. i need my pay.. LOL

relaxxxxx

3 more months to HK trip :)

if my mum knows abt this, she is gonna kill me.. she forbids me to go bkk & hk coz i have been there at least twice a year which she deems waste of money.. she would rather i go somewhere further.. haha.. but i just hope everything will be fine then.. yayy! another thing to look forward to if not life is getting real bored huh!

1 year older, 1 year wiser :)

2011-07-13T11:31:00.002+08:00

Happy birthday to me :D

yucks i can't believe i'm this old.. haha.. 2011 pass in a wink of eye but it has been pretty good to me.. gotta work harder to achieve what i need at work.. hope aug will not be a disappointment.. torn btw what to take up.. pouts

anw hope the love will continue <3 <3 <3.. i'll be stronger for us..

*hearts bearbear* if u still see this :P

muackz

blessed not?

2011-07-07T14:28:00.002+08:00

1) Am i blessed? yes
2) Am i happy? no
3) Did u get wat u wan? yes
4) Did wat u wan make u happy? no
5) Is your expectation high? no

this pretty up sums up, i'm kind of blessed but not happy.. i always get shit :(
hates.. disappointed.. maybe i need changes.. august pls come faster..

on a seperated note, half the year is gone again, i done nothing, accomplish nothing.. i tink i can just die peacefully in my sleep.. i wish i could.. *yawn* good night to you in my world ;p

Sunshine after the rain =)

2011-07-05T17:07:00.005+08:00

just let it be like tt for a while.. too early to forsee everything down the road.. she said that what i used think it will be seems to have changes.. i guess so i just have to be more flexible.. life is wierd when you realise that there are things more impt than money, she gave up her flight just to be in sg for him.. haha damn fortunate lo.. for me i guess i dont hv the courage to do it.. kiam cai mia wtd? lol

not so kiam after all.. yummmm.. i'm hungry now ;p

all about <3

2011-07-01T10:51:00.000+08:00

most of the time, the one who make us smile, will also be the one that makes us cry! love & lost, nope but still trying! cross fingers everything will be better now.. at least for this week i guess.. :)

分手需要練習的

2011-06-27T15:11:00.000+08:00

because i love, i leave!

2011-06-27T14:49:00.004+08:00

i guess this was what happen 6 yrs ago & repeating itself..

loving too much, hurts too much! the exact words tt came out from different mouth but the same feeling.. it hurts so much so much more than i can take.. from a girl who doesn't care, doesn't love to someone who was addicted to every single detail of yours.. if this is how much u think u suffered & forget all the goodness then of coz every little bit will suck!

when you got hurt and procrastinate, what about the one who hurt you unknowingly? they don't even have the rights to procrastinate! i'm sure tt feeling is more sucky!

i guess you will feel really happy now with every other unique people in ur life except me who used to be ur gf.. you probably have got a dozen!

now that you have got peace & alone time, u left me way behind!

i fell again :(

nothing can get worst :)

2011-06-27T13:35:00.002+08:00

when i'm silent, it means my heart is too tired for words..

arghzz.. even wordpress is bullying me now so i'm back here!

hate it when ppl ask me about my work or anything related to it, my archilles' heel! i'll break the conversation with the shortest reply ever.. sometimes, i feel like i'm casting everyone out of my world.. i ain't proud of it and have got nth to shout abt! i tired but maybe i need a real huge change in my life.. study or work? mayb i gotta rethink my future.. the love we talked about, the future we wanted.. y has all these became the past.. i'm kinda of glad tt i was still fighting for it but i knew u stopped!

y did u stretch ur hand out to me if u didnt mean it? i tried having all the assurance but it just fades away every now & then! y does this feeling seems so familiar? imu & i really do! there are some ppl in life meant to be loved & kept, some meant to be loved & leave & some love & hate! so which type r u?

i'm strong enough for everything except u!

the big 'Y'

2011-06-17T10:22:00.000+08:00

made such a huge decision but it didn't went too well like expected. the not so pleasant stuff that happen which i have no ability to change now. it's over now then move on, i can't turn back time seriously. & everytime i think of it i feel like an idiot really, such a failure :(

future so vague now. good job !

Journey to the west :p

2011-06-17T10:21:00.001+08:00

11 days of fun = joy, sorrows, love, tears & laughter

Night @ Dolly

2011-06-12T22:19:00.000+08:00

Jes went bk early so no photo :( The old woman/witch almost spoilt our girls night out but releasing our table to someone else for the obvious reasons tt we were all female. Luckily, we got our way thru the so called mgr after abt an hr's wait. Had so much fun ;) party all night till police raid if not i guess we would hv forgotten the time & gone further & later :p

060611

2011-06-06T23:59:00.000+08:00

i wrote somewhere else.. lol :p

there's a way to be happier

2011-06-06T16:47:00.000+08:00

do wat u like & nt do wat's right :)

On fire.. No actually disappointed..

2011-06-02T17:33:00.004+08:00

it sucks whn u try so hard to plan everything so nicely for others wanting to fish for hints that they like it a not and in the end get reprimanded for everything.. they dont reply & so whose fault? spa resort dont need to book liao.. personalised 3D cakes cancelled order.. u don't care & don't know so don't assume.. so i pay for the consequences of all these shit & yes i did..

i feel so hurt again that i thot i never would again but you are just the same.. stop denying.. insensitive idiot that thinks that you are always right.. negativity is inbulit in me, you knew it way before yet trying to bring it up and pin me down.. thanks man..

i'm on fire, i didn't threaten only hoping that you will get the hints, no not hints is facts that i slap right on your face but no.. all i get was the negative replys from you.. all i needed was assurance and u wan it the other way so be it..

U WIN!

:((

Easier said than done

2011-06-02T15:49:00.002+08:00

feel so pissed with myself, i hate the changes.. esp those that were caused by me..

i hate ppl who make me change & decided not to change for me.. y r some ppl just so insensitive even when u express it so explicitly to them.. i hate, i hate..

if i can live in the past, i rather i not wan a future.. coz it's just gonna repeat & repeat again.. save me the pain..

as happy as the picture may seems..

2011-05-31T10:03:00.005+08:00

i feel so depressed & lonely now!

& i actually need to feel LOVED..

2011-05-30T13:40:00.003+08:00

back from a long vacation..

things didn't turn out good like i thought it will be.. frictions less understanding and i actually had the bad feeling all over again - ditched! sad enough to say i don't understand why can one can flip sides so easily..

so how close is close when a girl says tt i really wonder? forgiving is so easy but not forgetting.. feeling really sad abt the aftermath..

i told myself i shouldn't be pesstimistic but just can't help but to be.. i knew this feeling didn't come from post-holi or overspending but sth else..

*hate this feeling*

i brought it upon myself?

2011-05-12T09:44:00.000+08:00

as much as i didn't want it to happen, it did.. all cancerians what!

lol.. laugh it off but hope it doesn't happen again coz i don't like the idea of being stab stab.. don't like to be the last to know, love true facts, then handling all the shit feeling.. my gosh! i'm actually capable of taking all these..

a little shaken but let see how it goes.. ;p

When u finally realised..

2011-05-11T20:17:00.000+08:00

things wasn't as good as u tink it was & facts just slammed right in your face.. Saddness instead of anger.. My world torn apart yet have to put then in place.. It hurts so much.. I hate to be judged but there's nothing I can do.. Ask n u shall b given doesn't work on anyone but then in the fit of anger? Whn u tot u r seeing rainbow after the rain another storm just came without realizing.. Disappointed & lost, I need help!

Why so difficult? Why my life like that?

:((

yi peee dooo

2011-05-04T12:40:00.002+08:00

It's finally May now.. countdown to the 17 may..

13 days to go..

what you don't know never hurts you but do you really want to be the idiot or the innocent one to be kept in the dark? of course not, looking thru the stuff u shouldn't give you heartaches, hearing things that makes you sympathetic over what you used to think.. there's a lot more to it really.. but well, for me i rather be fully informed & thus the feeling i'm having now :/

3 days to GE..
13 days and off i go..

April 2011

2011-04-28T10:57:00.005+08:00

chinese food >.< @ kim gary.. surprisingly find it ok since i hated tt plc..

Hatched :)

Teppanyaki @ Jurong Hill

Rochor Dim Sum

Hagen Daazzz

New gripz pumps..

Racecourse naan

my super early bday gift :p

Thomson Dim Sum

Self explanatory

Had fun with the girls on Easter Day!

Disturbed

2011-04-13T13:41:00.001+08:00

FML

i'm angry, dissapointed & sad becoz of T&C..

& probably the only reason i'm not gg US is tt i backed out!

Been a month..

2011-04-10T23:17:00.002+08:00

Since I last cried so badly n now again.. Was I asking for too much ?

Life's always such tt makes ppl regret, wants to start all over again & yet refuse to change ur decision even if the given the chance to.. Probably it took me too much courage to tell u watever I wanted to, fallen on deaf ears or leopard can never change its spots? Or is it just me that likes to whine? I wish u could read me like a book, or at least my content page.. It's my name u knew n not what my life really was..

If only everything could ctrl c & ctrl v again n again & undo the shit! If only if!!!

Lost in space...

So wierd! -_-"

2011-04-07T13:17:00.003+08:00

i'm a date person so today is a day tat made me feels really wierd..

& i had to keep reminding myself that i should be happy & not think about how i'm hurting someone else.. it's like so selfish but then again if i ended up unhappy 3 ppl will be unhappy.. so i should just be very selfish for one so at least 2 will be happy and 1 i dont know how he feel & i don't want to know.. i feel a little guilty at times coz.. been there done that but no one feels for me.. why?

dui bu qi! time is the key..

so i'll just be happy for myself.. sometimes some stuff come too fast that you didn't realise, then plunge into it w/o realising.. but feels really good that i'm smiling alot recently for no apparent reason.. hurhur.. good day it shall be..

April oh!

2011-04-04T20:19:00.003+08:00

April started as a joke like the usual aprils' fool shit.. Anticipation Helios was totally a goner.. Followed by a belated joke tt was probably misunderstood.. Plus a week of one man show at work would probably tire me out.. Well bt it a fun filled week I guess, one man show is gd at times cause own time own target.. So Monday blues today as usual with me gg home for dinner & getting some beauty sleep.. Tml will be meeting the girls at Holland v for a catch up session.. Celebration on wed, let see how it goes.. I hope it's all good for us,really.. Thurs will b belated bday celebration & then weekends..

*cross fingers* pray hard tt everything goes well.. Please..

End of March :)

2011-03-31T09:20:00.002+08:00

Finally it's coming to an end of a horrible month..

So much thoughts going thru my mind, it's like whatever will be will be.. no if no but & just do it.. work sucks a little as much as i don't want to think abt it, why can't ppl take ownership of what they are doing as many of the times wat they are looking for is 2ways communication which tends to fail so badly.. failing to inform causes us our job which can be so helpless at times.. i don't like it really don't, i get reprimanded for things that was beyond me.. main cont mgr also can't control what makes me hv the capacity to deal with it? i don't want to be like the forceful me which i could easily.. MA acting like tourist in the estate & colleague behaving indifferently.. so tell me what makes my already unglam job great other than knocking off on time? yucks but for some reasons i decided to stay..

i don't like to pick up fights by staying quiet otherwise it would turn very ugly.. as usual, itchy fingers caused heartbreaks & still get nagged for.. my fault.. i don't like to feel this way.. why am i getting the blame when i wasn't wrong & i guess i always meet ppl that are able to transfer their fault to me & make me guilty abt it.. i shld really master this technic.. i wasn't as happy as i thought i would be seriously.. smiling does not means happy.. it's either pretentious or denial.. or was it even right to start? i found comfort.. hmm.. i don't know.. how i wish we could be the way we are previously..

:'(

Monday Blues

2011-03-28T20:21:00.003+08:00

My super long 8 days leave got approved but trip still not confirmed yet.. Got a hunch that things ain't gg the way I wan it to be.. Somehow lately keep having really bad nightmare.. Thou being a light sleeper but I can sleep pretty well previously.. I wonder wat's the prob seriously.. Maybe I should have no expectation so as not to disappoint myself.. It's super yucky if I got to cancel my leave cause I tried so hard to get it.. I thought I should plan for an option just in case.. Just wan to be happy n seems so difficult.. Life's pretty good seriously but it just get satuarated so fast that i could barely have enough.. Was it a bad choice again?

So all I could do now is to hope n pray.. Pretending I don't bother about the unforseen future.. How is it going to be like.. Thinking about it scares me really.. I wish everything falls in place.. Please please please..

*cross fingers*

overdue cny pix

2011-03-28T09:03:00.004+08:00

sentosa flowers

oxox

the rest cant be uploaded.. file too big

:'(

Tired!

2011-03-16T11:12:00.004+08:00

Life is not at its peak now, having to go to work like a zombie.. Getting to slp has become a chore but luckily waking up isn't..

Good things don't last do they? they never happened to me.. Or am i too sensitive or u ain't? it hurts sometimes, much more than you can imagine..

i just wanna slp!

*yawn*

Maximum is so minimum only!

2011-03-11T11:05:00.004+08:00

I did try my best i asked again already!

i gave him my reason, he gave me his.. The maximum is so little only.. 7 days only so rush.. maybe it's not worth the money? 16 days leave minus 3 days for the course.. i feel so stupid.. i should have taken time off.. how dumb can i be.. so gg by monthly entitlement, it's 6.5 days by may..so effectively only 3.5 days left.. wtf~ maybe i shldn't say tt im gg US, he say he only go ulu kalang.. -_-"
he's not wrong too in a way..

i just wan to travel but at that expense which is not worth it.. mayb i shld just reconsider, prioritise the things in life & the way i spend.. instead of the usual impluse impluse impluse.. i'm not happy!

*period*

haha.. on a happier note, the girls wanted to go on a short trip during good friday.. but whether firm or not still have to depends.. jy, q, mag & jes pls pls!