nah nah



nitez fall as @11:44 AM

messed up

everything was messed up.. i was looking forward to dinner with him but i guess it turned out to be bad.. pastamania as one of my default, i do really love it.. as usual, the smiles i received from him.. but the unintentional words was to me hurting in a way or another.. i guess i was just too sensitive and emo.. brother was right, he was too young and fun to him is still on and going, whereas i think i need a more stable guy..

it took me about 2 hours or more to touch on the topic.. it just couldn't come out from my mouth like.. i ponder and ponder then i said i think be your friend better.. then he was like.. i told him all my feeling and tears nearly fell.. he told me his past and he was like super affected, that was the first time i see his face without a smile.. i feel guilt within me.. i did sth stupid like telling him i like him.. love was not used coz i don't find passion in loving someone anymore or shld i say i have not let go the guy i used to love the most.. but on the other hand being together with him for day 1 till now, i haven received a single line or i like u or i love u.. that's what i detest the most but u may start to laugh but who don't love it..

i used to be told so many times but never sick of it in the past.. i simply love the feeling even if you r my friend or colleague back in savills, karan, sista & bro also will convey the i love you msg that always make my day.. that's y i'm missing the madhouse so badly like they way they scream "sara", the way they call "dear" and the way they bark "gou gou".. although there might be tension every now and then but i still love them.. yes, love not like like or fancy..

but i don't get the feeling of being attached at all, not loved, not pampered but just a boyfriend.. which i felt was crazy.. i do understand that it has been years since you had a gf and you said that no matter how well u treat her she still left.. but i'm not her, it's not fair but i tried to understand your situation but what about you..

friends is all you need and more friends that you make, kinda of superficant i'm sorry to say but i can't help it, sisters too ya.. and 1 last thing you love me to go out with others, so ridiculous.. even angel says so..

arghzz.. i don't wanna be bothered cause the rest was history!

haha but 1 gd ting that happened was, the jewel box visit save it all.. thanks god!

nitez fall as @11:27 AM

the tarot readings are darn accurate! freak me out!

the tarot readings are darn accurate! freak me out!

how you feel about yourself now (The Hierophant)
You feel a need for advice or wise council or perhaps spiritual consolation. Someone, or perhaps immediate events, will provide moral and practical guidance. Perhaps you are considering being such a tutor, counsellor or spiritual advisor? You desire the tried and tested traditional values, so when considering your options, this approach will prove wiser than adopting an unconventional novel approach. For example, marriage is more likely to be your desire than a living together situation.
yes, i definately need someone to advise me if i'm heading the right way.. conventional in a way, i dun wanna have fling but a serious bf..

what you most want at this moment (Judgement)
The cards suggest nitez, that what you most want at this time is a new start, to close this chapter in your life and have a brand new beginning. This is not a time for regret but for rejoicing. Rewards for past efforts will follow and you are sure to have many opportunities presented to you. Life will pick up a pace and the choices you make will have far reaching implications that could change your life dramatically. Any legal issues should be ruled in your favour.
yes, i need a new start and forget the painful past.. i sincerely hope that someone can pull me out from the shadow.. picking myself up, trying very hard too..

your fears (The Sun)
You are afraid that things seem too good to be true, so much pleasure and joy - well enjoy it, sometimes we can be pleasantly surprised. If you have been unwell this is a time of rejuvenation and good health. Perhaps you are afraid that things won’t actually get better - have faith you are about to enter a happy and pleasurable time. The Sun heralds an ending to difficulties and a time to celebrate with friends and loved ones, a time of pleasure and good news around children or the conception or birth of a longed-for baby.
yes baby, it's definately too good to be true.. yup, unwell but now fine..

what is going for you (The Devil)
There's a possibility of permanence here. If you're considering a commitment in a relationship or marriage this is a good sign. However question your motives because here we have temptation and addiction, and a desire to be controlled or controlling. So use your intuition and if you recognise what you feel as sincere, great, if not you still have a chance to change direction. If considering giving up a bad habit, such as smoking or drinking for example, now is a good time to start.
bingo, commitment from me alone is not enough.. i guess it's up to him on his part..
what is going against you (The Empress)
There are conflicts around you, frustrations and possibly a break up in a relationship. Be careful not to over-react and be too protective or dictatorial about your needs, and whatever you do, do not resort to emotional blackmail, it won’t do you any favours. You may be experiencing infertility problems or an unplanned pregnancy, if so just know that there are people around you who love and care for you and will provide support.
viola, conflicts around myself.. like me thinking too much.. that's gonna end up broken.. who who who provide me with support?

outcome (The Hermit)
This is a time for you to be alone or may herald a time of loneliness. Take this time for quiet introspection and rest. Don’t worry you will find the answers, but the Hermit signals a warning not to make hasty decisions. If you have been unwell this is a time for rest and recuperation.
perhaps i should go on hiatus and think thru if its feasible i guess..

diaoz.. all the readings give me answers to the questions in my brain.. omg..

nitez fall as @5:20 PM

was it random a not?

it was a feeling i never had before..
dangerously romantic

like being the the rain..
drench skin deep..
like the runaway train..
rushing for a dip..

crushing hopes with my own thoughts..
my expectations wasn't high..

u went missing,
i went searching..
i guess i couldn't find you,
i guess i lost you..

thru the days and nights,
you came back looking,
but i am walking..
already walking..

you will never see the tears,
coz i wipe it dry..
you only use ur ears,
but you never try..

to fulfil your desire,
i flame like fire..
to ensure your passion,
i got detention..

you kept on smiling,
i find myself deceiving..
i couldn't restrict,
and went on a trip..

a trip without you ever again,
cause you never bothered at all..
thinking you were THE ONE,
but perhaps the 'I LOVE YOU' from you was none..

nitez fall as @11:16 AM

gummy shoe

who wanna jelly shoe?
my friend organising gummy shoe spree..
http://gummy-shoe.livejournal.com/

nitez fall as @9:39 AM

i just fell..

omg, i just had a great fall down the flights while thinking about you.. it's just so mad.. can you please be a little bothered at least.. *sobsob*

nitez fall as @12:27 PM

illegal blogging

i'm feeling so unwell now.. sore throat and i guess the rest r following tightly.. running nose but i pray no fever.. it has been so long since i really fell sick excluding the keng-ing.. i really dunno how to put my feeling in words but i really wanna talk to yan & queenin about it.. i'm uber excited to share my stuff with u girls i swear.. the happening that will leave u girls jaw drop wide open.. it's like trouble and hoping for the one in ur life..

perhaps i have lack of confidence, i feel for yan in her posting as i felt the same or even worst.. too much of a broken heart yet to be mend and worried that the pieces would end up like shards of glass.. and it is like asking yourself will someone ever fixed it?

i didn't join you girls on sat.. i truly apologise for i felt like a bitch but i was really facing trouble.. i guess he didn't do much to help because he's like can't be bothered.. i was upset and gulping the alcohol and thanks to lovely shan who will always be there at the lowest point of life.. when i mean always i really mean always.. i hearts her lots with an enchanted feeling..

and to jor, i'm sorry if i bothered u in an unsober state.. but i just came to realise, u called me b4 i called him.. i dont understand y too.. u knew i needed someone?

still facing a state of instability.. on a seperate note, mum loves to nag at me.. i totally hate it..
*crossing my fingers* please dont shatter my broken heart..

nitez fall as @11:11 AM

hohoho

i'm like happy can..
finally after 3 days, i finally hear him.. lol.. cause i was asleep by the time he got home..
finally after 7 days, i got my bintan photos..
finally after like a year, i met up with the girls at bar none..
finally after so long, i meet up with the big guys..
yeah!

last but not least, gg to see him tml!
& also ecp blading & cycling..
happy as can be..

photo up soon.. need to slp now.. cheerlo..

nitez fall as @2:04 AM

well..

gosh, things ain't going well smoothly as presumed..
i need a little more from you..

work is super tiring..
keying fitting out manual from scratch..

help!!!

i need to be sweeten too!
yan & queenin, where r u?

meeting boon in less than 5 hrs.. happy..
but billy bombers? i don't know much..

nitez fall as @1:59 PM

if only..

if only u hear me, if only u know how to read between the line..
i guess you r slowly getting sick of it..
i dunno.. i'm so afraid of losing..

u like me to know more ppl..
u prefer me to hang out more with my friends..
u dont regret..

out for a meal..little did i expected was a lecture..
SLM, kaoz.. but anw thanks for the knowledge..
hehe.. apologise for the numbness..

nitez fall as @11:05 PM

irks

don't ask me why but it seems that i' losing my patience..

nitez fall as @12:25 AM

outdated partying session



nitez fall as @10:14 PM

where's my sweet?

wao wao.. keith is so sweet to yan..

*envy man*

where's my boi?

damn it, it's cool to feel single when u r single but sucks big time when u r attached and u feel single.. alright, so much so that i got the feeling of another jor.. well well, that's my life.. SHIT!

and i scream ...

BOYFRIEND WHERE R U?

nitez fall as @11:26 AM

respect and control

i know how much it hurts, i have been thru it.. what i see was myself in you, despite being disrespect what so ever i guess i have to stand up for the inferior like i always help.. i got tired of changing ppl just let them be.. but for the future i'll try to keep things in track.. at least i try..



*cross fingers* don't let me fall to deep cause i haven seen what you have done.. prove it to me!

nitez fall as @8:51 AM

trust

i guess he felt it, but it's so me to feel that way.. i just can't help it..
nitey nitez..

nitez fall as @1:17 AM

tell me your stand and everything's fine

well i start to wonder if i know what is love.. am i seeking revenge for all the mishap that happened to me or falling in love? i dunno, no doubt that i like you but i dont feel secure at all.. do you mind me gg out with others or u don't give a damn.. i dunno your life, i dunno how many girls you can attract.. all i can do is to do whatever you do.. i'm too afraid to get hurt again.. i choose to do the same things you do..

lost in space!

nitez fall as @6:07 PM

another post in a day

recently, i have been indulging myself with wordy post.. it's an art of language though my english is not that superb.. cause i guess words can sometimes express how i feel yet sometimes too little to describe the depth of my feeling.. so contridicting but true that i never feel secure before and perhaps that the aftermath of meeting a heartbreaker..

and perhaps another one coming up? who is to judge the freedom to give? i dont wanna rule his life yet too afraid to lose.. so i must hold back to plunge too deep.. friends meet me up soon, dont like me dive again pls..

love
hua

nitez fall as @3:09 PM

confidence, where are you?

i guess it's yan that gave me the confidence indirectly when i visited her house not too long ago.. the story about rain, even though not the complete story.. it just rang a bell in my head.. and i wonder now if everything for me now went on too fast.. and it's just so unpredictable and till now, i'm still in a daze if it is true..

it was the crazy moment that i'm not sure if it will last.. knowing that i was afraid, a minimal amount of confidence was pump from him to me.. i got the same feeling again that kind of fickler-ness in me is making me uneasy.. and i really wan to return back to zero.. but then again the feel is good.. erm, i dunno la.. things are sorted out in a mess way.. in short i dont know him well to be truthful.. god bless~

okok enought about the ya da ya da hula boo boo..

i'm back from the bintan trip, it like not very enjoyable yet memorable.. my first trip in life with friends.. new found friends.. pix up soon..

i'm like kind of looking forward to life yet having to get over the odds..

enlighten me pls!!!

nitez fall as @1:23 PM

was it u r me?

someimes i just find it absurb to have ppl that hates you for the whole life and she's so sick of the sight of me.. i started wondering why and the two answers that i had derived was.. either u wanna boycott me or u envy me.. the answer was shocking which was two of the above..

strange huh..

anw i did like i mentioned in the last post got a thinny whinny bit of confidence back.. not like you said i manage to go thru all interview i went.. and they wan me to join with immediate effect.. some offer me higher when they hear that i already got a secured job.. my asking wasn't high like u said.. and i will not cross your residential path.. i wasn't unwanted like you said neither did i had lots.. but i'm just an average jane.. so yes you get a life with my post with a subtle warning. stop stepping on my head and snapping your fingers or the curse and black magic.. i'm gonna get better someday..

and yes it's not u whom we give face to but him k.. stop all your command and control.. yes you can be evil, we the evil team can too..

i guess this post is too back dated till today.. hurhur..

nitez fall as @3:46 PM

hurhur


erm, i feel like having my curls back.. nono i mean waves.. and jet black hair..

i'm so broke haven been working for the month of april, lots of things happen and tat includes the darkest yuckiest moment as well as the sweetest moment after so so long and finally.. i find it so ridiculous yet so amazing.. i have been missing my girl friends all MIA except for the clubbing session..

perhaps, i have been thru the worst in life, in love, in work and so now, every little thing just makes me feel wonderful again.. i am very sure that i wasn't confident many of the times but things just get a little better every time.. and i should say at least now at this very moment i'm like finally happy after so so long.. ppl say i was silly to wait for love that don't return, all the silly things that i did for him just instantly became jokes, the pasir ris trips, the run away from home, the his-mum-hates-u and the contact lens case.. i was just silly for the forgotten past.. i dunno, that was the worst..

like the shards of glass i was picked up, i sincerely thank you for the time and effort.. i'm not so sure if you mean it and if you will continue but the moment, very moment i treasure it.. i started wondering if you just pick up the glass for the challenge that ur hand will not get hurt or you felt tat you need to.. i started to denied but no you feel me.. you knew everything.. i was so nervous and happy of the sister-welcoming, the little toothbrush jokes, the night-till-dawn talk and me-very-poor-but-handsome.. all those makes me feel a little relieve and so homed.. i'm beginning to heart u in a subtle way.. dream a dream i told myself.. and i promise u, no sins i will ever commit again..

*my heart just smiled*

nitez fall as @11:00 PM

too good to be true

all the hardship paid off.. exams over and new job!!

randomly, i should just include some long awaited pix..

yes yes, i'm hungry so all food la..
krispy kreme..
uber delicious.. i love doughnuts..

my marshmallow bro..

stingray..
fish & chip
from botak jones
ah chew dessert.. yummy..
ultimate fav beach rd fish bee hoon..

nitez fall as @10:37 PM

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{*hits & misses*}