Not a bed of roses..

kaoz.. as much as you guys think, my job is not a bed of roses with superb $$$.. just the surface, i dont get the comm anyway.. just sucks la.. boohuhu..

nitez fall as @5:10 PM

breakout..

gosh, i'm having a very bad breakout on my entire face.. damn, it's due to stress and i'm super stress now.. goodness sake, ytd early in the morning go project meeting but headed to the wrong place.. central library in bugis but i went to nus de.. can see how dumb i was? i dunno how to do my section.. very difficult lo.. then went to shop around alone.. no more visiting for me since the first day but other friends who still haven finish visiting.. haizz, y like tat?

ytd night went out again to west coast mac with boon and invaded her house.. told myself to be happy but cried again.. made a final decision.. dont talk to me anymore if u tink i am selfish if u cant bring urself to come near me then dont do otherwise when u r not sober.. yes i might be selfish but who is it for? it for u, i cant bear to see others over riding u.. see the point, since u cant get over it then stop all the nonsense.. no in between, i'm not a plaything please, spare some thoughts for me.. watched half of death note 2 while boon slps quite interesting but then the dvd hang lah.. argh, lend me the dvd after u r done please..

no life work study work study.. damn sian..

nitez fall as @10:55 PM

i've been contemplating..

hmm.. perhaps it's time to cut my hair real short.. but many say i will not look gd in short but doesnt matters la.. is like i just wanted a change that's all..

*cut* *cut*

nitez fall as @10:26 AM

i'm at nus library

it's 10.01am now in school and i'm early like for half an hour cause i didn't read my msg lah.. well my phone has been certified to go into coma since jan 07.. it dont ring or beep anymore so i didn't bother to check and take a look at it.. so serve me right.. sianz..

ytd, first day of work seems dull, boss nv give angbao.. ta bian le.. well, i dunno boss well or how much he changed.. he might be a good boss but i never really ever talk to him before cause he seems just so distant.. alright, so what that cheers me up is i never bring orange to pai nian from my colleagues but they give me ang bao.. hmm.. the amt dont really matters wat matters is the taught lo.. happy.. then i say dun need but they still give me.. wahaha then i buy them subway breakfast they still pay me back wor.. DOTZ..

but got i paticular incident i was fucking damn piss.. company lunch then i become recept sianz, how many times must i say i hate to be one.. f*** off la.. an eye for an eye lo.. damn.. spoilt the whole lunch.. no mood to eat also.. hmm as usual the rest love to tease me lol.. lau yu sheng, practically the entitre dish was no the table so funni then have to go back office cause eagle left and return to nest le.. baby eagles have to go home too.. then rain came back and ask me to do sth, somehow or rather i gave him super negative replies.. or perhaps i've given up too.. chat with sandy for 2 hrs on the phone cause office nobody lo..

the sianzation is back.. after that wanted to watch movie but too bad they having chingay.. choke the entire orchard road.. went apple, i suddenly go the urge to buy ipod movie but lj say no gd leh.. i also dunno maybe till my old one die off ba..

ytd's ytd..
was a fulfiling one.. k lunch @ cck.. then movie with ck.. he so sweet wor buy braclet for his gf not me lah.. piang eh tell me how many guys on earth can remember promises man.. 1 in a million ba.. and then meet wc @ vivo.. then zw hse gamble.. got 2 fierce fierce de dog but i like to play with them lol.. so i requested for them to be release from the room.. mother and son so when ever the son barks the mother will bark to in order to protect her son.. so cute right.. haha..

tues..
went to yf's house to gamble also.. but his doggie more adorable keep licking and licking.. cute lah.. so i was suggesting to the guys if u bring the dogs to club all the girls sure chiong to find u lo.. then they laugh..

thanks guys for including me if not i die lo cause everyday at home lah.. muahahaha.. i also become ah wu yi zu lo.. iya but still i wish i was a guy so they dont need treat me like a guy .. then not so wierd le.. keke..

nitez fall as @10:02 AM

people do change..

time to confess

ok well, haven be really feeling great recently, not because i don't wan to but just too much changes in split seconds.. i'm seriously not catching up.. so in 2007 a big thanks go to.. tada.. see for urself ba..

the close girlfriend are either too busy, changed or become less approachable.. hmm.. i'm kind of sad but it's me to blame.. cause the closer u get the harder to hide and the more u dont wan people to worry the more u retreat.. i dunno, yes i'm just too paranoid and pesstimistic le.. it's time for the crab to retreat into its shell..(phrase adapted from the astrology web charmaine send ytd) okok.. except for boon ba.. still the old sch feel.. thanks man if not for u i have no place to hide, no ppl to talk to le..

overdated wala pix..

aww.. for the old friends that i lost.. new ones come by, some last a lifetime some last for once.. don't matter it's all fate.. some of them..


better late than never.. happy piggy year!

p.s. aww.. i'm not a smoker lah..

nitez fall as @11:56 PM

filled in

too long a break of 6 days with weekends, cny and 2 days forced leave.. that wasn't wat i wished for.. always wanting to travel but still pull out after so much.. was it the fear or was it the laziness that hinder the plan? i have no idea actually.. it's gonna be a good year.. sometimes i wonder y do i blog.. for nuts la.. to blog away the evil and welcome the good..

-20 feb 2007-

yesterday was a short but fulfilling day..

tcc with family.. meet up with the 3 'good old' friends.. when visiting at yi's house with cw & boon.. yap so glad that boon make her way down to clementi all the way from bedok.. hee.. then chated for a while before heading to a place where there we can see the waters, windy and can scream out loud.. hmmm not much in singapore i suppose.. & west coast park is under reno that goes the nearest option.. yap driven by the self-proclaimed romantic aries to mt faber then to the peak.. i didn't holland-ed u althought i'm a road idiot but to mt faber i'll nv lost my way there.. haha.. then chatted, perhaps i can understand y this year it was the best new year coz there was no arguements ba.. i couldn't help but to agree to it..
my cny was a very peaceful one..
but a little chubby tot..

i'm just happy after being there like i always do.. happy x1 million.. thanks.. then reach home headed to the gambling den.. lost but overall it was good.. played with dino.. omg it's so adorable.. i wish i had a dog..

nitez fall as @3:05 PM

cny with no visiting

lots of rejection lots of people were busy with their programmes, mostly not free.. well i woke up late wishing that the day would pass really fast anw the first day of new year wasn't great.. migraine kills all the mood..

movie time, protege.. i relfects much back onto myself.. is the drugs or is it emptiness in u that is more harmful.. there's no wrong or right.. but just.. understanding would just ceased if someone help u once and again.. in the end they give up and find u a bother.. it's true, yes yes..

headed home, late night programme at mos.. oh well, kind of reluctant to go there but just try, i'll have to break the barrier before anyone elses can try to help me.. i tried and went in after 5 minutes w/o queuing which was ended near mac.. horrible man.. but it was only half filled at 11.. went back at 12 coz clubbing with zf & gang just seems not right.. chilling out is better..
my drink - 'perfect match'.. cool!

the guys..

nitez fall as @3:02 PM

i'll just listen

bro was right, they will not treat u nice forever..
lj was right, no one will encourage u forever..

SO TML GONNA BE BEAUTIFUL..

GOOD NIGHT

nitez fall as @2:18 AM

chinese new year

nothing special on this occassion, as usual after half a day of visiting.. return home, perhaps this year is a little difference as in i vomited before i concuss.. the new year didn't started wonderful for me.. after class, i headed to holland v, being super early i was sitting at the busstop listening to my mp3, while listening i teared for nth.. recieved a call, i was super elated.. i' so glad that ur dream fulfilled but as the news was processed in my mind for a little longer, i teared more as i listen and waited.. for god knows how long.. then i msg a number of ppl and all the return msges were like negative.. i loitter for another like dunno how longer.. it was perhaps self-reflection time ba..

i was rather disappointed by myself for the i will not.. that came true.. drink, gamble, smoke.. wao, the so not me.. hmm.. i dunno what wrong but remembered clearly sth that was told, it all came true.. i'm left standing alone.. i'm upset but no one no one will be there anymore.. shattered, but i'm fine.. keke.. *grin* i just wanna leave this place full of sorrows.. let me run away for i don't belong here.. i will not let the opportunity pass by me even it take everything that includes terminating school.. i just wanna leave the workplace, the school and my comfort zone home.. i just wanna be alone on this joyous cny.. boo..

u don't understand me.. no one ever do..

nitez fall as @3:49 PM

the usual rants

the moment i sit at the recept to man the counter, i feel like crying that's it..

things ain't great like i'm like totally broke now, i went shopping spree ytd.. within 1 hr there goes the 200 bucks.. feeling totally down like u know sucky and demoralize.. and someone sclded me stupid.. i'm damn pissed, to you it might just be a joke but deep down inside, i felt terribly stupid.. yes so what if i'm stupid, so many things has already prove that i'm stupid le still not enough is it.. in work i'm stupid, in school i'm stupid, in love i'm stupid.. typically in all scenarios i'm stupid..

and the long awaited cny to many are just so wonderful but i hate it.. my visiting typically finish within like half a day and i have super long break till like friday so it's all bad.. yes now that i've spend all the money.. my comm is not in yet due to the target, well i suppose i cant last till it comes in.. perhaps forgoing the comm and rest ba.. working is super not constructive.. i'm so sick and tired.. HELP!

nitez fall as @12:34 PM

cny round the corner

somehow or rather, i have this feeling of being back in my shell.. many of the times, i just hope to be left alone.. not listening to what other says or be bothered in anyway.. but once again, ms chua u make my day, friday was cool cause she came to pick me after sch.. then have dinner together, a short one but enjoying lah.. nx time buy u whipped potato's', i promise! hehe.. all the girl friends seems to have vapourished or is it me the one with prob? am i not initating to meet up? i have no idea but seem that the one there for me is gone.. but still really wish to see them like very soon.. but all the girls are freaking busy.. meet me pls..

pineapple tart not done la cause too busy and can't find the common timing to do it.. sorry.. school's slowly getting busy.. i know nuts bout any module not to mention asking me who's the lecturer? r u crazy? work is freaking boring, boring, boring.. like u know nothing fulfilling.. recept kills my cells..

thanks for the queuing of the ba gua but i also go queue a bit hor.. yummy, love the cny stuffs.. munch munch munch.. aww, no chance to be thinner liao.. bohuhu.. my blogskin still half completed, not in the mood to continue lo.. humps.. i feel that i'm whining lots recently..

alright and not to forget, dbl o was like kinda of fun.. guess wat 2 persons go clubbing broke the 3 persons minimum pax liao.. indeed crazy but somehow or rather i'm still freaking against of stepping into MOS for the bloody reason ok.. my lost wallet, that's it.. same old story after dbl o..

pretty like neutral and not much after thoughts cause it's like.. erm.. you know that the story is going to happen ya.. like dreaming about a sin.. the sin, you! so i'm like alright lo.. back to day 1, i'm just me, don't ask if i wan to speak i will..

speaking of that, my blogging session gonna be over.. recept duty over.. and rain just walked pass saying i was moody.. come on.. i just dont feel like faking a smile after all.. watever..

nitez fall as @12:40 PM

关心

可能是我的天性吧，不管什么事我都喜欢闻个明白。
但是往往却没想过关心会带给别人无形中的压力！
好久都没有这样了，也许有些事不知道跟好吗？
这我也达不上来！

i reckon that i was proven to be a super idealist person no matter in what aspect, wasn't feeling good either.. i don't understand y, perhaps from last time till now.. wanting to know sth is so tedious so i decided to not know at least it's a relieve now..

anw for the first time, i was driven by ms chua.. i wish i can drive u one day.. lalala.. thanks so much..

nitez fall as @12:56 AM

at wenwen's house

stomach still churning, but stil okay just rush toilet a few times.. got 2 days mc then sleep for half of the time.. okok and for the sucky forum, i posted like a few not constructive stuff but whatever it is, i did attempt.. went to class, feeling not too bad at least i manage to like focus for the lecture.. but tutorial sucks a whole big round.. so biased, whatever i say also not relevant but when others reiterate them, they are good points.. boo..

after more than one and the half year i wonder if thee choices i have made was like so wrong after all.. from the very first step from young from kindergarden when i was supposed to go to a church school beside the river valley sch then, i was brought to the PAP below my aunt's house, then to primary sch where i was brought home to study in rulang pri sch where i can just stay put at clementi to study in either nan hua, qi fa or jin tai? then from rulang to tanglin sec, where i can opt to go jurong sec where my best friend went, then to ngee ann poly y didn't i go jjc where i could have done so, then from np to nus, i could have simply done full-time, y would i have mad a fool of myself to do part-time and did so badly.. from capitaland then to savills and now that the industrial teaam dunno gg yo last for how long.. how sad would that be..

the above prove that i'm just a fool.. ,y life? i have no clue how is it gg to be like.. to remain optimistic?

perhaps being too idealistic like wat i was told by my lecturer.. fine fine.. y cant i accomplish stuff like others.. pondering.. could i rewrite my story? i wish i could..

anw i'm at ms chua house now.. like i say i detest gg home not because my home is not good just that i had being alone at least which she's dping her java assignment now, i'm blogging here.. got company leh.. so nice.. if u see this sorry to bother u lo.. but still thanks for being here(coz i'm here lah).. hehe..

gtg do other stuff le.. oh ya she got tarot cards me gg to learn how to lay lo.. byebye..

mumbai = ex-bombay <== my project

nitez fall as @11:17 PM

reflection of myself..

the following are just some random stuff from a girl's mind.. i mean no harm but just from the bottom of my heart in the simplest term..

wat's wrong with me, i lost the zest in me, as usual work and school is a chore to me.. i don't love my work, there's no more passion.. dread to wake up cause i have to take bus to work which takes 1 hr or more.. and most of the time is either reach on the dot or late by more than 5 minutes.. and i have no idea who the hell set the rule for the every day morning announcement.. i'm exhausted, i start not to bother even if my name wasn't in it.. my work is to surf net and i've run out of web to surf.. so i started to take my notes out to read.. discreetly at first and soon so openly.. yap, boss has nth much for me to do.. only ad-hoc stuff.. so sometimes, edmund will pass me some investment stuff to do.. althought he's bit naggy but i'm glad even if i'm in the industrial team.. hmm, he ask me i wanna help him do some biz-devt dunno wat.. i ignored, coz i'm not sure if i'm supposed to do it a not.. blah blah blah politics & all.. all the agents are out and i'm forbid to.. so i stay and rot.. so i eat.. yap, the ppl left coordinators, sect are all so nice??? i have no idea, so we chat and eat and joke.. i'm left at office like a stupid dumb dumb.. i learn nth and sit to rot.. wat have i done so far? nothing, was it a wrong move? well, i guess so.. except i hear i might be granted some comm.. u tink comm sounds great i don't tink so, other that money that can satisfy some material needs.. the money is just not great at all for, i'm just like a suck who takes a share off ppl's comm.. i did not to get them, like a free rider.. i detest that.. on the note of doing marketing.. hmm, should i speak to boss? i dare not.. i know wat's on his mind.. elf's leaving soon, really soon which means, i have got even lesser stuff to work on.. riding on for a no-career path job..

i ask myself if i have done my best.. the ans is NO, not at all.. no more motivation, no more enthusiasm.. i feel so sick.. y am i doing so little to improve, y am i always feeling so lost.. i'm back to me.. tearing which is wat i'm best at.. tearing is better that drink i suppose.. i haven been sudying.. soul-less in class, not that i don't wan to concentrate, i'm just too tired.. it was a reason, the rest of the ppl are doing well, except the stupid me.. i think i'm doing to little to help myself.. cause i dont even love myself a bit.. i often think tat i'm useless.. and now worst, i'm fat from all the suppering but i missed it.. those were the days.. school is school now, work is work now.. nth much no more crossing over like the past..

i was enlightened by the following:

1)man wan sex, woman wan money.

2)when 2 ppl meet/stay together for too long a period, there would be 2 scenarios.
first, they fall for one another.
second, they start to have conflict.

how true is the above, it's for u to judge, maybe it's not directly but the root of the question lies the 2 logic above.. let ur tots run..

oh btw how long have u not say I LOVE U to someone.. if i have the courage, i'll say it to someone. cause 2 more days is his b'dae..

I LOVE U,DAD!

and for the over-rated v-day, wondering if NUS will stop operation on that day? all the rest of the classmates will be MIA? i dunno.. hmm, the cookies and pineapple tart r left behind, ms chua is not free.. no free slots on the same time..

i hate the forum, i have visited it like god-knows how many time but ideas just couldn't flow, brain dead.. i hate i hate it plus there is a dateline for it..

i just finish chating with queenin.. it has been so long since i last met the girls.. and yan wore dress.. haha that's worth to mention it here.. oh ya if u r here can we have a girl's night out please..

lately have been sleeping a lot cause i had nth better to do cause i felt that the world has collaspe on me.. i hate myself from being me.. PMS perhaps..

then perhaps i'm too lazy, twenty random things:

1)i need to slim down for cny just in case my sis & mum laugh at me..

2)i miss the drifting and car ramming..

3)i miss the girls( yi, shan, yan, queen)..

4)i wan to thank the guys who were there when i nearly bored myself to death..

5)i wan to get a new study table..

6)i hope that i can stay over at friend's house and not go home, not that my home is no good it's the feeling of being alone.. or stay out till dawn break?

7)i wan to thank the few ppl who drove me aimlessly cause i said i didn't feel like going home..

8)i wan to visit literally high places cause i can look at the picture in a clearer view..

9)i need super lots of encouragement which i used to had but i learn to stay strong alone.. so that's fine..

10)haven been clubbing and drink cause it's a waste of money.. but i tink i gg back to that kind of life i need to dance to relax..

11)i'm super guilty to 2 things that happen, i made someone get a car summon cause i just wanna have my dinner when he already had him.. and not visiting someone which i was suppose cause of some idiotic stuff.. i really feel 101% guilty for the above i swear even till now..

12)not all scars show, not all wounds heal, sometimes you cant see the pain someone feels..

13)dont call me if u didn't love me, i'm not a plaything, dont test my limit cause u know that i feel for u cause u r no longer so understanding.. stop waking me up in the middle of the night.. dont say sorry if u dont mean it..

14)for those who ask me if i stop blogging? my answer is no but i just lost the energy to type and type till an hour ago, i felt that there's too much inside me that i need to release..

15)i wan go eat wala wala's chicken wing.. i tink hoegarden white no longer taste sweet.. johnnie walker black on the rock is cool.. even better that when it's in shot, it has the x-factor..

16)i've got new clothes for cny, but not looking forward to it..

17)i wan to go overseas alone for the first time.. which is better?
damai beach, turi beach or desaru.. i'm looking to go to the resort kind .. hm.. still tinking..

18)i wish everyone around me to be smiling so at least i can get the happy atmosphere..

19)i need more songs please send me..

20)i gtg to catch up with the class that has started for 4 weeks and do up the forum and wake up at 630.. someone wake me up.. bye bye

nitez fall as @1:30 AM

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