♥shuhua a.k.a. sara♥

Wednesday, August 30, 2006


recent way of life

one overseas miss call.. so many possibilities that the call could be from.. but nv did i expected it was just for fun.. first instinct, boss in china.. call back, he say not him.. well nv get screwed or anything.. thanks god.. yes number starting with +006013.. i msg all the ppl that i can think of to check.. some say from japan, some say africa, some say malaysia... wa, africa eh.. could it be him, possible? but i miss that precious call, did i? so i called back, no valid nothing.. felt that i lost a heart, devasted..

but no, worst shan msg say is from malaysia.. caoz i miss half the lecture thinking that the call was either from boss or him, in the end turn out to be 'prank call to call for fun lor'.. damn pissed..

life just wasn't the way i want it to be but i refuse to resign to fate.. eh hate to say, but haven turn over yet.. thanks friends supporting oh.. lesser loss now.. hmm, perhaps my sorrows has turn into energy for me to come up with new creations.. stay tuned..

grr.. feeling so old now, work like cow everyday.. all the 21s r in their tank top & skirts.. i also wan.. yes so party time, gotta doll up, dress up & party my way thru.. weekends please come but before that gotta catch up with studies.. haiz god i just wan additional 24 hrs in a day.. argh...


nitez fall as @11:45 AM


u made me lously...

things happen when they are bound to happen.. of coz i get terribly upset because i care about wat u said & it meant sth to me.. but thanks to u that made me felt worst thereafter.. so what if she has a virtues & hardworking? u mean i dont? u mean i'm not hardworking? i strive my way slp less than 5 hrs a day just to work 5 days, study 4 days & my beloved sweet.littles everyday.. freak, i'm so damn tired lo.. i wish i could get a break like a week without work, a week without school, a week without anything.. STRESS coming from myself, so shag..

btw, if u think i dont have a heart as pure as her? how much do u understand me & her? u r a friend i treasure that y i felt so angry upon hearing that okay.. darn.. it's so not fair but i'm not gg to be bothered by u.. i nv distort ur words but the things u said r hurting me, my pride & my integrity.. i need no apology my friend but just felt great dissapointment..

if u see hatred in my blog, that's because u dunno how to read between the lines but of coz i will not hate her for she's my best friend, just ranting my way thru for god is never fair..


nitez fall as @11:33 AM

Tuesday, August 29, 2006


R U BACK?

GRR.. what again now.. so glad that you will be back soon like tml or the day after? S.A. must be fun.. getting fatter.. hee.. i'm totally insane..feeling so elated, excited for no reason once again.. but to u i'm just nth which makes me so depress, so little.. nah, will this be the ending? duh.. i don't know..

*bless me*


nitez fall as @4:06 PM

Monday, August 28, 2006


attention seeker

YES YES.. for no reasons, i received the freaking msg, anger filled my head, heat gush from head down, i'm so pissed off.. my tears started to roll down for u.. i dunno who..

yes for no reasons.. what did i do wrong, y do i only deserve shit.. haven i been good to u? haven i be the one who rush like mad, called till u pick up when u r sad when u cry? wasn't i the one who stay by ur side when u r upset & refuse to speak? YES YES, i did all i could coz u were my best friend..

n now WTF, i'm envious & jealous.. because of super duper long msg that's all about u.. is there something wrong with me?

& freaking pissed off coz whenever i'm sad, whenever i need someone, u r either with him or him.. u nv come down by my side, all u did was to call & asking r u fine?? that's not enough.. i know saying this is not fair to u but y am i always the one who gets the shit & u get the best of all the worlds?

is that my life.. my idiotic life? my drunkard life? i hate i hate my life.. i hate being the bridge, ain't there things that i can ever own by myself? am i that fucking bad?

perhaps that turns me a bitch, a slut.. god that's how u wan me to be in order for me to own something all by myself.. hates all i needed was a little care a little concern a little love.. but nowhere am i gg to get any.. god bless.. bless my disasterous life that i can be determined to live thru.. thanks god for all the shit.. god damn u..

*sorry about the bloody irritating post but that's just how it make me feel so rotten*


nitez fall as @1:28 AM

Monday, August 21, 2006


**THE VOICE WITHIN**

read queenin's blog.. she say she lost form after hearing wat i said.. she said she felt stunned.. okay let's see how i should start the story.. i went to a fortune teller like 2 sundays back for some reason because i started to lose faith in myself.. he said all was good except the thing called L-O-V-E...

things just ain't gg the right way, erm i had lost of money hung up there & i am terribly broke.. but i hate it when dad meant well & decide to throw me some $$ but my ego told me wth.. look down on me.. i'm just so stubborn just refuses.. freak hate it, even my dad is not supporting me.. just hanging but the side like others.. waiting to see me die..

meet up with that special HIM, the feeling is so wonderful yet so complex.. i smiled, i cried.. i dunno wat i can do.. i feel good yet knowing that it's just going to be the moment & then FULL STOP!!! things wasn't great, his so-called THEY can't accept me even though he knew that i always meant good for him, just him, only him.. but just there the chemical reaction is too far.. well, happy birthday to him.. i hate i miss u.. yaya know that everthing at your side seems to be improving, great.. have a great trip to S.A.. love lots but i can't..

that aside.. back to the lost form thingy.. perhaps i myself lost myself that's y i said freaking lost form thingy.. yes, in a slutty & bitchy perspective.. i'm sick of letting others happy at my own expense.. u guy don't appreciate & just throw me aside then tell me wat for? i rather hurt someone than to let someone hurt.. yes, i'm childish.. yes, i'm selfish.. SO WHAT? Isn't that right?

sometimes, i hate the way u guy make me feel like an idiot, play me around.. toss me like a coin.. but i knoe there's some limits.. saving myself & throw friends into the game & let them suffer? that's not my style.. i hate it, clubbing isn't a game, it's a technique.. please protect oneself pls..

rants & rants that make me feel better, all the gers r the same...

COOL!!!

i'm terribly tired, i wan to sleep..
i'm terribly broke, i wan to eat..


nitez fall as @11:30 AM

Monday, August 14, 2006


i dunno

if only i know why i like to cry so much,
i dun need you..

i have no reason of getting angry,
i'm nobody's girl..

neither a plaything too,
dun try to hurt me..

for i had to smile.. i had to chant..

*i'm happy* x 100....


nitez fall as @12:59 AM

Sunday, August 13, 2006


YOU & me

my tears so vulnerable..

they drop the moment i hear your news..
they drop the moment i think of you..
they drop the moment i cuddle you..
they drop the moment i miss you..
they drop the moment i msg you..
they drop the moment i kiss you..
they drop the moment i see you..

they drop, drop & drop..

till i'm exhausted..

you don't see them..
so quietly in my heart..
so profusely in my heart..

drip, drop, drip, drop, drip, drop..

i feel so dead, i hate my life..
just sth so simple,
no i don't deserve the best things in life..

why why why?
why must i still smile..
agonised, will you ever understand?

will there be a shoulder for me to lean on?
will there be a shoulder for me to cry on?
i doubt..

NO !!!


nitez fall as @11:11 PM

Thursday, August 10, 2006


u call this happening? r u crazy?

090806_ndp


my tix

still got security check

fireworks

me @ ndp

da show

ozone depletion @ ndp, so many balloons..

meet shan & dennis there after for dinner.. i'm late again as usual but thanks guy for dinner @ breko..

aftermath, was the playground but y does my tears still flow?

060806_holland v

meet up @ city hall for my sales transaction.. great feeling to collect cash.. woah..
then when to meet shan shan my partner for dinner.. i love u coz u have a pair of listening ears.. thanks for sharing the goods & bads.. muacks

thanks mark who shun bian send me home.. argh so lightbulb.. help..

050806_silly me

i was terribly stupid to do such a silly thing for u coz i miss u..
but y u ignore when u said u cared..

when to k-ster with shan & dennis.. k till wanna slp.. so fun.. sing sing sing..

040806_is it a dream a not?

thanks my dear.. i miss u so much.. thanks for taking my tears..

030806_prata nitez

limau ice, teh peng, teh terik..
anw i ordered the wrong drink coz couldn't remember the drink's name.. shld be teh limau so..
second round
got it right this time..

off to yacht club to pick sth..
drop dead gorgeous scenes..

01&020806_sweet.littles

sweet.littles frenzy..LOVES..

300706_rouge

met up with the girls, ade missing.. sad..
grown ups, no more coffee, switching to alcohol..

300706_gym with nit

it has been so long since i step into the gym..
my record
nit's record
i think i damn pro coz ran double her dist..

she left for machines..

i dun wan lose out too..


so tired..

home sweet home..



nitez fall as @9:36 PM

Tuesday, August 08, 2006


i know u r there..

y must u run?
y must you hide?

WHY AM I MISSING YOU AGAIN???


nitez fall as @12:10 AM

Monday, August 07, 2006


IF EVER

if ever drinking could drown sorrows,
i'll rather be drunk forever..
i just wan to be happy..

if ever you could only remember me when u r drunk,
i'll rather u not remember me..
i just wan to choose ur health over myself..

loving you..


nitez fall as @2:53 AM

Sunday, August 06, 2006


On 6th August, i wish u a happy birthday!!!

My darling dear

i got a little gift, a clover for u

i wish u LOVE
i wish u HEALTH
i wish u HONOR & GLORY
i wish u RICHES

I WISH U LUCK!!!

&

something more the silly me did..
just for you..

i'm the last to wish u on your b'dae and hopefully the last of your life.. i wish..
your wish is for me to be good and be strong..
i can't be good without you..
i cant be strong without you..
cant grant your wish..
all i could is to tear..

i wanna thank you for the dream u gave..
i wanna thank you for the touch on my head..

i wanna thank you for the peck on my forehead..
i wanna thank you for the hug that kept e warm..
i wanna thank you for telling me there is nobody else other than you & me..

but i hate u for waking me up from the dream..
u are so cruel so cruel to me..
coz i love you..


nitez fall as @12:59 PM

Wednesday, August 02, 2006


sweet.littles

YES finally today, i did sth that i long wanted to do with bestie but she is so busy so now i'm starting it alone.. YES for girls only..

a dream that i could do now immediately unlike the bloody degree which take donkey years to achieve.. actions speak louder than words and i did it..

do visit sweet.littles !!!

leave some comments on either of the tagboard k..

so much fun.. i'm no longer bored for my school holiday coz i can freaking do a hundred and one thing but i'm damn broke.. anw school holidays gg to end soon.. looking forward to school term.. hee..

less than 3 hrs of sleep have to wake up again.. so boring but nvm.. i achieve sth at least.. hopefully somewhere some how let it show some results.. bless me..

to yan & queen - how r u girls doing still don't get to meet u guys.. sad

to wenxi - u so busy so hard to date u wor..

to ade - hey girl, hope everything's fine for u over there..

to shan - dunno la.. just tot that u might drop by so must at least say hi to u..

to ah li - where u now ah? stay-in ah? poor thing..

to zf - you must buck up ah.. u know wat i mean de.. sometimes talk to u wanna vomit blood..

to cw - where's the movie? clementi? watch halfway the cinema will collapse a not

to lj - u found your phone? i got my pay liao but broke again..
*period* - gotta slp.. anw i can't think of other who will visit this blog le.. if u do come just tag..

but to the special you i decide to slp less..
helping u countdown your b'dae 4 more days..
but no chance can i ever celebrate for u..

so this is for you..

i miss the way you call my name
i miss the way you steal my tibits
i miss the way you touch my head
i miss the way you kiss my forehead
i miss the way you pick the peanuts out
i miss the way you cuddle me when cold
i miss the way you piggy-back me around
i miss the way you transfer me your energy when i'm tired
i miss the way you tear your blister telling me ur heart hurts more than that

i just miss the love from you
but i hate the way you make me miss you
so much so much SO MUCH..

i just feel like crying again.. argh.. help..


nitez fall as @4:40 AM